March 20, 2018 § Leave a comment
we have gotten very into planting things from seeds. you can imagine telling a 3-year-old, look, that’s the sprout, that’s the stem, that’s the dirt filled with invisible minerals.
but outside is covered in ice. it’s a perfect miracle world or a D+ poem by Frost. there’s a perfect plumpass robin on the branch. he’s looking at me through the window. is he cold? do i have food on my face???
this motherfucking bird. this bird right here. i think he’s stuck on the branch. someone! get a bucket of hot water or call in the far departmin. or call in somebody’s nephew– he’s got a pickup truck and could use the money.
on next week’s episode on THIS OLD CAT:
the team holds the cat up to a window and says “look, it’s a bird” in a fucking disgraceful baby voice while the cat sniffs their wrists.
the cat gets full black crazy eyes like she used to, showing the team that you’re never too old to become possessed by that playful spirit/demon. but instead of running up the stairs and screaming at empty corners, the cat just swipes at the team’s ankles while they walk by.
i decided i can’t buy my k-beauty snail face cream anymore because i feel too bad for the snails. and then meanwhile last night in bed i was reading about the cambodian genocide until 1 am? miles to go before i sleep etc.
oh this world! it’s so silly.
January 13, 2015 § Leave a comment
Sometimes when I’m standing around eating old Christmas candy, saying, It’s going to be different! I think about my cat, who likes to dig and scratch at her litterbox after she poops. Doesn’t she realize it’s a hard plastic tub? She isn’t digging anything — no progress at all.
If you’re wondering, it’s the Sisyphean behavior that seems similar. This story wasn’t about how the old Christmas candy is like cat turds.
I have an unhealthy relationship with Max, the feature-creature on Netflix that tries to make recommendations to me. He’s never succeeded. And now when I bring him up he gets defensive and critical, and honestly it’s like I have a second boyfriend who is manipulative. I just ignore him now — that’s the closest I can get to dumping his fucking ass — but a friend came over and wanted to see him, and so I fired him up.
Right away, he flung some shit about how long it’s been since I last saw him. Then he asked me if I trusted him. Well isn’t this a little test! Drama and games. The truth is I don’t trust him, but I said yes, just like if we were having a fight in front of friends. So he just started a movie, right then, no questions asked. It was “Inventing the Abbotts,” which maybe I’ll want to see one day in 2023 when I’ve run out of everything else on my list.
I felt so bad stopping the movie. But then I realized he was a software program. I still want to read “The Gift of Fear.”
Today I rang the treat bag to see where my cat was. Sometimes I get these panics about her. I know I’ll be one of those moms that checks to see if the baby’s breathing every minute or so. I didn’t hear anything so I ramped it up and started shaking the bag really hard. Then I heard her frantically scratching her litter box in the basement.
I felt terrible, making her rush like that. No one likes to rush when they’re on the pot. I gave her three treats out of guilt.