January 18, 2013 § Leave a comment
i made a promise to the cat that today would be excellent, productive, a la Manderley.
Guy bought me an address book to help me with my dreams. my dreams–
the other day, trying not to be late to my doctor’s appointment (pills pills pills), i ended up 20 minutes early. i drove down the surrounding streets to kill time and ended in a forest suburb, with the most beautiful Manderley i have ever seen. isn’t that all i want? is to separate a pomegranate, in the kitchen, on the second floor of that house?
in the mornings i will do correspondence. later, the pomegranate. early afternoons are reserved for talking to myself in the mirror. then, teaching or attending a class. both feel equal, but teaching is so much more paperwork. late nights i go back up to the attic room overlooking the yard, eat, some old doritos, peck away at the keyboard. i think the doritos i will eat with tongs so as to prevent cheesy fingers.
though i might secretly love cheesy fingers
i saw a list of 14 words that have no english equivalency. what is the word for hating how much you love something repulsive and still loving it? what is the emotion associated with cheesy fingers? when i do it, i detach. i see my own horror from a distance.
tongs for the doritos, then. there’s enough layers these days. i want to drink pisco punch or something absurd–pernod or vermouth.
i don’t even like to drink that much! but i have to balance out the doritos. i’ll smoke one cigarette and stub it out in a dish shaped like mickey mouse.